The terrible war between Russia and Ukraine only brings forth losers and drifts people apart. What is it like for Ukrainian Alla, who is by the way married to a Russian? “I feel like I am more entitled to feel grief and anger than my husband.”

Alla and Kirill are the proud parents of James, who is almost one year old, and set the step to marriage last May. In which way does the war have impact on their relationship? Alla: “I struggle with different emotions. I feel like I – as a Ukrainian – am more entitled to feel grief and anger. At the same time, I know this is unfair; I also see enormous grief with Kirill. Therefore, it would be very harsh to judge him based on his passport. The war must not let us drift apart.”

Cuddling
It’s not easy for Alla to keep on going. The last few months took a heavy toll on her. Where does she get her strength from? “Our son James, especially, gives me stability. Cuddling a lot with him makes sure my heart stays warm. Also, I feel useful by helping Ukrainian refuges who have come to Zaandam. This way, I can still help my people, even though I am very far from my home country.”

Alla is from West-Ukraine where her family often stayed in bomb shelters, especially during the beginning of the war. Kirill has a Ukrainian father and grandmother, but grew up in Russia.